Monday, October 5, 2009

For the love of God

Who has been wronged? How many people have hurt you deeply? Who has loved with all their being and given of themselves unselfishly to another, only to have it thrown back in to your face?
I have! I had a friend that I loved and cared for deeply. I would do anything for her and the majority of the time did. For one reason or another, our friendship ended. When it did end I was left brokenhearted and confused.
I used to let people use me. My need for approval in the past left me giving my all and draining my soul. I wanted to be liked, loved, considered a good friend, pleasing and loving. But, for all the wrong reasons.
Instead of loving her in a manner in which God would be glorified, I let fear of rejection run my emotions and overdid myself. I bit my tongue when I saw her life being shattered because of the decisions she was making. I knew the reason her life was crumbling was her lack of faith and her non-existent relationship with Christ. I did not ever want to upset her. I would speak little of turning to God for help, but if I felt her close up, I would pretend I never said anything. I felt that if I were to be honest with her about the way her life was headed, that I would be considered closed minded and mean. Instead of being the godly friend I should have been, I failed her.
When this relationship finally came to an end, it was during a time in my life when my own relationship with Christ was strengthening. Timid, quiet, “respectful”, open-minded me suddenly started speaking my mind to her about her lifestyle and the response wasn’t received well. One time in particular she told me that I was self-righteous. She told me that I acted as if my life was perfect and I had no problems. That after 10+ years of friendship with this person and me giving my all to them, I was told she never considered me anything other than an acquaintance. WHOA!
However, I cannot fully blame her for the hurt I felt. I accept probably more than partial responsibility. Because I loved her, I should have been honest with her from the beginning and never tiptoed around her to avoid confrontation. If I had been honest all the time in the beginning, instead of when our relationship started to crumble, she may still be in my life and I might have been able to be used as more of an influence on the importance of a relationship with Christ.
Now that I am older and have learned from my mistakes, I have found that it is easier to be myself – Jesus lover and all- and to be honest about who I am from the beginning. If my convictions run someone off, at least I know that a seed has probably been planted. It saves me a lot of hurt and heartache now to be me from the start because I know God shines through and if they run away screaming, at least I know that I did what I could to be a true witness for Christ.

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