When I was a little girl, I took Mark 11:23 literally. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, Be taken up and thrown into the sea, and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him.
We took trips to the mountains for vacation. I had heard in church that if I had faith the size of a tiny mustard seed that I could say to this mountain to crumble and be removed. As we were climbing the mountain roads in our car I would confess to myself that I had at least that little bit of faith. I would repeat over and over in my head “be removed mountain, crumble!” Thankfully the Lord never answered that prayer, because we were driving on that mountain I wanted to crumble.
As I have aged I have not taken that verse as literally as I used to. However, I do not think that I have given it the full power it deserves, either. I like to think that my faith is the size of a mustard seed. In fact, I know at times that it actually is. I see prayers answered when I ask the Lord to take care of a situation in which I have been asked to pray on. However, I have noticed that the same mustard seed faith I have when praying for another’s need, seems to be smaller when I am praying for my needs.
For some reason I feel that God is more likely to answer my prayers for someone else other than for me. Why? I think it is because I do not feel worthy enough. Why should I? I know my sins, I know my faults, and I know my doubts. When I pray for another I am not thinking of their sins, faults, doubts. I pray believing God will answer their need. But as I travel along this road of prayer and faith with my savior I have to remind myself that God’s grace is what makes me “worthy.” I have had to teach myself to be positive in prayer, to praise in prayer and to know that whatever I ask in prayer, believing, that I will receive. (Matthew 21:22)
Prayer can be hard and it can be confusing. Prayer can feel like it needs to be said using big words. But God wants us to have a talk with him. To talk to Him earnestly and let Him know what we need, as we do with our friends. I have learned that sometimes all I have to say is “God, you know my need.” When I feel like I can’t express it properly or when I feel worn down from waiting, I just say to God…”you know my heart, you know my need, and I trust you to take care of it.”
Jesus’ death for my sins; His shed blood….that is what makes me worthy. I may forget it at times when the enemy chooses to remind me of how unworthy I am…but God gently reminds me that “He knows my heart, He knows my need, and I need to trust Him to take care of it.”