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Thursday, October 22, 2009

Ahhhhhhhh (big breath and deep sigh)

For the past several weeks I have felt blah! I haven’t known why and couldn’t explain it. I haven’t felt like myself. I am usually motivated and full of life and energy. I seem to be always seeking something productive to get my hands in to. Here lately, I haven’t been me. I haven’t felt like Rachel.
I do not like this feeling. I have tried to pinpoint the source of my feelings. Is it because of the weather and seasons changing? Could it be because my husband and I are struggling financially right now? Is it possible that this wait, for him to receive a job, is finally getting me down? Or maybe, these past 8 months of the unknown, of taking each day as it comes, of looking for strength to remain hopeful that our time will come is finally getting harder and harder to do. I wasn’t sure.
It seems like it is all too common for five things to go wrong when one thing begins going downhill. I am a hopeful person. I try to stay positive in negative situations. It is something I have had to work to obtain. But, positivity started to become very easy for me when it comes to waiting on the Lord. However, lately; it has been really hard to remain upbeat. I am seeking God’s word harder. I am trying to hear His voice in the midst of my “trials.”
The one verse I keep stumbling upon comes from Proverbs 18:10 – The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.
It has really taken me almost a month to realize why the Lord keeps showing me this verse. I have not been able to understand it until today. I felt like I have been looking too deep for the meaning to try and apply it to my day. But what I see when I hear this verse and what I visualize has made no sense until now. Each time I hear this verse, I imagine a tornado or terrible storm approaching or I can see a thief or robber or murder chasing after me and running in to this strong, steel, unbreakable building and hiding for safety. Then it hit me…..I am seeing this correctly.
That is exactly what is happening…my finances have taken a hit from a terrible storm. The enemy has sought after me to steal and rob my joy and my money. He has tried to kill my spirit and shatter my strength. But I hear the Lord telling me to keep running to Him and I will be safe. It does not matter if it takes 100 times; for 100 times He will be there. The Lord won’t let this storm remain in my life for longer than He knows I can handle. He is showing me that while I wait, I have a place to run.
I know that things will look up for us, and though it is weary to wait for the time…it will come. It has just been difficult for me because I am great as a giver…but not as a receiver. These past 8 months, I have had to humble myself to receive from others. People in my life have given to us financially, provided us with meals, and so much more. I am thankful, for I know the Lord gave these people to us for a reason. I know that through their hands, He has been providing and I trust Him to continue.
I know that eventually things will look up for us. My husband will have a job again, our bills will be straightened out, and we will be able to have more money than we need. Be assured, when that time comes…we will give unselfishly to others and we will save as much as we can…just in case. I know that the Lord has been teaching me, shaping me, and preparing me. I know He has a greater vision ahead. I lost my sight and direction for a couple of weeks. However, now I am starting to see again.
Thank you Lord for your promises. Thank you Lord for Jeremiah 29:11… For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I claim that!!!!

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